It’s 9 am; I’ve been up for 5 hours but I don’t mind.

We have been very lucky in that our boys are both very good sleepers. They go down around 10pm and wake around 6 to eat, then fall back asleep until 9. It is very rare that they wake in the middle of the night and if they do they usually are able to fall back asleep on their own. But they are still babies so of course there are nights where they will wake and need to be held.

Baby B woke up around 4 am. Somehow I had overslept my 2:30 am alarm to pump (I set my phone across the room so I actually have to get out of bed to shut off the alarm, otherwise I can just shut it off in my sleep. Somehow I managed to still shut it off in my sleep) but he woke me up. I desperately had to pump so husband had to tend to him for a few minutes while I quickly pumped.

I then took baby B out to the living room with me and turned on the tv. He didn’t seem to want anything, just to snuggle. He was wide awake so I knew I wouldn’t be going back to sleep. Instead of being irritated, I just enjoyed some 1 on 1 time with my little guy. I know these precious moments of him needing to just snuggle with his momma at 4 am will be few and far between. I also know how close I came to never getting to enjoy any moments like this.

Baby A woke up early as well, around 5 am. I guess he didn’t want to be left out! We all hung out until baby B finally got sleepy and went back to sleep. Baby A was wide awake and it was time for me to start getting ready for work, so I brought him in the bathroom with me while I took a shower. I kept peeking out at him from behind the shower curtain and he loved it.

I’m sure if this was an every night occurrence I’d pray for sleeping children, but since it’s only every now and then I’ll just enjoy them as they come! I am always grateful for our boys, but somehow these very early mornings are always a reminder of how lucky we are to have them!

A year later

It feels like just yesterday I was writing a blog post for NIAW. It is hard to believe that just a year later I have two happy healthy little boys. I’ve meant to post about the birth and their safe arrival, but for some reason I just haven’t. So I apologize to those of you wondering how things turned out for us.

Rather than write out the whole birth story, I’ll just give you the highlights. After a series of preterm labor events, my water broke at 33w3d. They tried to stop labor, but to no avail and the boys were born at 33w4d. Baby A spent 17 days in the NICU and baby B spent 18. They had no real health issues, just needed to learn how to eat and grow a bit before they could be released. Honestly the NICU time seems like a distant memory now and I am just so happy they are doing just fine now. They are 4 months old and a darling 11 pounds. They smile and coo and melt my heart daily.

We are so thankful for them each and every day. There are moments when it’s a lot to handle, but all of our infertility struggles make our problems now seem so insignificant. Now that we are on the other side, I can honestly say that every painful day of our almost 3 years of infertility were more than worth it. I will never forget those 3 years and what it’s like for my IF sisters. I wish I had gained some words of wisdom for those of you still struggling, but I don’t think I have. All I can say is, it was SO worth it.

Viability!

We made it to 24 weeks! Phew! Obviously we don’t want these guys to show up anytime soon, but it’s nice to know they’d have a chance outside of me at this point. I also hit another major milestone of gaining 24 lbs by 24 weeks! I’ve done a ton of research on how to prevent preterm labor with twins and weight gain seems to be crucial. My doctor recommended 20 lbs by 20 weeks but I wasn’t able to hit that mark. I found a few articles that suggested 24 by 24 was just as important so I made that my new goal, and I made it! With .2 lbs to spare 🙂

Tomorrow is also our 3rd anniversary. It’s hard to believe it’s taken us 3 years to get to this point in our infertility journey. Honestly though, I can’t say I’m disappointed with how it all turned out. It was nice to have my husband to myself these last few years. It’s awesome that we are making up for lost time by getting TWO babies at once! And we are certainly in a good place financially and in our marriage to welcome these little guys with opened arms.

I have another growth ultrasound on Thursday, hoping for no surprises. They’ve been doing SO great I hope our good report card continues. Also hoping everything still looks good with their fluid and my cervix. There has been talk of bedrest lately and I am really hoping to make it another 4-6 weeks at work. But I am definitely in camp “whatever it takes to keep them in the longest”, so I will adhere to the doctor’s orders!

Really can’t complain about anything at the moment. Sure there are times when I’m uncomfortable and sleep is beginning to allude me, but really nothing too bad. Just happy to have these little guys growing! Trying to appreciate every single second of this after all we’ve been through.

Hoping all the best to each of you!!!!

20 Weeks

Yes, I’ve been a little absent in my posting lately. Rest assured I am still following all of your stories though! Still getting excited for all of the positives and disappointed for all the negatives. I haven’t been posting mostly because I just haven’t really felt compelled to post. I’ve been trying very hard to enjoy the in between appointments/milestone time and focus less on what’s next. I do want to continue providing you all with updates though, so here I am.

I’m happy to report I don’t have a ton to report! No news is definitely good news in my world. I can now share that we are having two BOYS though! We are so thrilled to be having boys (we are equally as thrilled to be having twins and even more thrilled to be pregnant at all). My husband grew up with all sisters and I think he feared living with all girls his entire life, so he was especially excited.

As of our last growth scan they both weighed exactly 5 ounces each which thrilled me to pieces (growth discrepancies in twins is one of the most common issues). We have another growth scan on Thursday so hopefully they are both right around the same weight; I believe we are hoping for a little over 10 ounces each. My fluids & cervix have been looking good as well.

I have had a bit of a problem gaining enough weight. My doctor recommended 20 lbs by 20 weeks. Since today is day 1 of week 20 I can tell you I did NOT make that goal, but I came in not too far behind at 15 pounds. I will now try and hit my new goal of 24 pounds by 24 weeks. I’ve read that weight gain between weeks 20-24 is more important than any other time in a twin pregnancy, so I’m going to be hitting it hard for the next month. Eating this much is really a full time job and not nearly as fun as it sounds.

The only other area of concern is baby A’s umbilical cord placement. It is off to the far side of the placenta and is known as “velamentous cord insertion”. My doctor tells me that this mostly only effects delivery and does make a c-section much more likely. I’m fine with a c-section if that is what needs to happen to get these babies out safely. I don’t really intend on having a birth plan other than, I’d like an epidural please!

So that’s where we stand today. Feeling extremely blessed and really starting to enjoy the pregnancy. I’ve really been feeling rather well all things considered. Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers as you continue with your journeys! I will try and post a bit more regularly with updates when I have them.

I can finally feel

After what seemed like forever, I finally got the call from my MFM office. Our MaterniT21 test results came back, NEGATIVE – FOR EVERYTHING! Our babies are completely healthy. I can not even explain the relief I feeI. I then was able to find out the gender of our babies, which I cannot share at this time as my husband does not yet know (and reads my blog). I’ll try and share tomorrow.

A funny side note, I did give my husband a good scare when I called him sobbing after I received the call. Of course he assumed something was wrong, but I was just so happy! I tried to get a hold of myself before I called him, but it just wasn’t in the cards. Sorry honey!

Thank you all for your prayers & well wishes, they have been answered! 

 

I should be better at waiting

So if you’ll recall from my last post, I am waiting on our Maternit21 results. I’m so thankful this test was an option for us so we won’t ever have to consider an amnio. I really think in the next 2-3 years this test will completely replace the amnio. I mean a 99% negative and 93% positive result is pretty damn accurate. Anyway, I was told we would get the results in 5-10 business days. Most people report getting the results in about 6-7 business days, however we are fortunate to live in the same city as one of 3 labs that performs this test. So I have to assume that would save a day or so in shipping time. 

Today is day 5, so it is my belief that as of now the phone could ring at any moment. Which I’ve found to be incredibly more nerve wracking than the previous 7 days when I wasn’t expecting to hear anything. Any time my phone lights up, I pee a little bit (ok not really, but just about). I am trying not to obsess TOO much as I believe it is causing me stress. But man, waiting to hear if both of your babies are healthy is about as nerve wracking as it gets.

Thankfully our NT screening results were in the normal range (which detects 70-75% of trisomys) so that does give me some comfort that our results will come back just fine. But I can’t help but to still worry. 

To top it all off, part of this test includes revealing the gender of the babies. Which obviously is another amazing upside to this test. To definitively know the gender of your babies at 14ish weeks is pretty awesome. We will of course find out, I am a planner. I also think people who want to be “surprised” are borderline insane. 

Our plan is once I get the call, I will then set into motion my plan on how to reveal to my husband the gender. I have two plans based on the time of day I get the call (he insists that he must know the day I find out, not that I blame him). A more elaborate plan if I get the call before lunch and a less elaborate plan if I find out later in the day. I’d love to share these plans with you for your opinions, but my husband reads my blog 🙂 However if anyone has any great ideas, please feel free to leave them in the comments.

For the next few days, prayers are appreciated. Prayers for a “negative” result (not negative as in bad but negative as in negative for any trisomy) and fingers crossed that the results are in sooner rather than later. I will post as soon as I find out!

MFM Appointment Report

Overall, I have mostly good things to report. There are two amniotic sacs, which really decreases our risks. The technician briefly thought there might be 2 placentas (and therefore fraternal) but that ended up not being the case, so they are identical. For the nuchal translucency test (to determine the likelihood of any trisomy or down syndrome) we were hoping for a number less than 2.5mm. Baby A’s was 0.79mm and Baby B’s was 0.91mm. These are PERFECTLY normal results and honestly ideal (I was mentally prepared for a 2). Thrilled about that. He did still offer us a fancy test (maternal T21) that will with 99% certainty tell us if the babies have an issue, which our insurance approved us for (since our last baby had Tri18), so we will be doing that as well just to be sure. We will get the results in 5-10 days.

The only blemish on our report card was a growth discrepancy. Baby A is currently measuring 12w3d where Baby B is measuring 13w3d, so a full week between them. I asked the doctor how concerned we should be at this point about that and he said “not very”. It could be because of a variety of reasons, some normal some abnormal. So we just have to hope that Baby A catches up soon. It is possible that Baby B is just measuring ahead (based on prior ultrasounds, I believe I am around 12w6d) and Baby A is just a little behind.

We did thoroughly enjoy the long ultrasound. It was REALLY incredible to see them both bouncing around in there. Definitely made it feel a bit more real.

I think since this is a “high risk” pregnancy we are just going to have to learn to live with a reasonable amount of uncertainty/fear. I was hoping I’d feel a bit more relief since the big two things were perfect, but now all I can focus on is the growth discrepancy. Anyway, I am definitely grateful for the mostly good report. We go back on August 21 for another ultrasound and hopefully an anatomy scan.

Ball of Nerves

Tomorrow is my first trimester screening. Honestly the wait hasn’t been that bad as we’ve been very busy. Unfortunately a lot of that busy was dealing with my grandpa who has recently had a couple of strokes (he’s now in rehab and hopefully will mostly recover). But some good busy too, a good friend’s upcoming wedding and a few fun summer days. Anyway, at long last the day is almost here.

I think I’ve spent more time wondering about what my results would have been had we chosen to do this with our last baby. We were just so happy to be pregnant that we didn’t even look into what testing was available. Had I known that this first trimester screening was just a really long ultrasound with some bloodwork, I probably would have done it.

Mostly I’m glad we didn’t do it because assuming our results would have came back “high risk” (our last baby had T18) we would have had to make the difficult decision on having an amnio or doing CVS. So I suppose it probably worked out the way it should have, but it would have been nice to have a frame of reference for how accurate the testing would have been for me specifically.

Obviously the nuchal thickness result is a big deal and obviously we are hoping for a “normal” result. However we also have another big hill to climb tomorrow, are our babies in their own amniotic sacs or are they sharing? If they have their own, they both have a MUCH better chance of survival (no worries of cord choking). My OB hasn’t seen MOMO twins (one amniotic sac, two babies) in 10 years, I told her I hope not to break her streak.

The actual odds of them being MOMO twins are about 1 in 100. So you’re thinking, oh well then I should be good, right? Wrong. The odds of having identical twins are 1 in 350 (done). The odds of having a miscarriage after 14 weeks are 1 out of 200 (done). The odds of having a T18 baby at my age (28) 1 out of 2500 (done). I’ve managed to beat a few other crazy infertility/fertility odds as well (getting pregnant without any meds after 2.6 years of trying) but this post can’t last all day. So forgive me that I tend to be a bit skeptical with odds as I seem to often be the exception. Even my OB laughed when I asked her what the odds of them being MOMO were, we both know the odds don’t matter when it comes to me.

Anyway, it’s just a big day tomorrow. I have already reminded myself that even if I get perfect results tomorrow, that still doesn’t mean I’m guaranteed two healthy babies. I’m such an optimist (ha!). I really am trying to stay positive though, I know good vibes are important for growing babies. I’m really trying.

So if you all have a spare moment, please cross your fingers, say a little prayer, or send me some good vibes for this appointment tomorrow morning. Thank you!

11 Week OB Appointment

It’s been a while since I’ve posted anything, sorry about that. Just not a whole lot to report right now (which is a good thing!). Mostly I’ve just been laying low and counting the days until my next appointment.

On Tuesday I had my appointment with my OB, this is the doctor that got me pregnant on times 2 & 3. She also did my D&C and has been with me the majority of my journey. So needless to say I was very excited to see her.

Her nurse was so sweet (each doctor at my office has their own designated nurse), she just couldn’t believe our good luck (that makes 3 of us!). She just kept saying – twins, wow! I feel guilty when people get so happy & excited about it and I’m all like “ya…we’ll see how it goes”. Anyway I still appreciated her enthusiasm.

OB gave me a hug when she came in and we chit chatted for a while. Then she did a pap & full body exam before getting out the magic listen to the babies machine. I know this is probably super exciting for most, but I actually have my own fetal doppler at home and it works just as well. So we’ve already heard them 4-6 times, but still nice to have a doctor listen to them and say it all sounds good.

What I was most looking forward to with this appointment was getting my first trimester screening scheduled. We’ve never opted for this before, but since our last baby had trisomy 18 – we figured we should do it this time. My OB was really hoping I’d be able to get in next week so that they could also check to see if each baby had their own amniotic sac, since we still don’t know that and would drastically change how risky this all is.

Unfortunately they aren’t able to get me in until July 29. But that will be the day before the 13 week mark, so assuming they tell us all looks normal, I will allow myself to finally enjoy this. We are so hoping that the results aren’t borderline or high risk for a trisomy (obviously). I really need those results to be good to feel any relief or joy, otherwise I’ll be filled with worry for the next 5-6 months.

It’s a 90 minute appointment, so I am excited for that (again assuming everything looks good). The first 60 minutes are primarily the ultrasound and the second 30 minutes are a consult. I’m anxious to see how often they want to see me going forward. Of course I’m also anxious to know if they both have their own amniotic sac, the odds say they will but I tend to defy all odds (obviously) so that doesn’t mean much.

I’ve had a ton of headaches, mostly lazy and tired, and throw up once in the morning now and that’s it. But I’m thankful for any and all symptoms, no complaints here. Still really haven’t told many people (other than immediate family & our favorite aunt & uncle). I’ve had to start wearing looser fitting tops to work as I do have a little bump after eating (no worries – I don’t plan to take or post bump pictures – gross). Anyway, so that’s where I’m at. Prayers & well wishes for our babies are appreciated! Congrats to everyone who’s gotten their BFP lately and good luck to anyone on or approaching their TWW!

Graduation Day

So after a long week wait of being very, very nervous that our babies were still healthy & growing, I finally had my 8w4d ultrasound at the clinic. I had truly prepared for the worst, having been through the worst 3 previous times. Thankfully, all is still well with our lil guys (or gals). Baby A measured 8w5d and had a hr of 172. Baby B measured 8w4d and had a hr of 165. Obviously their growth is right on target and I’m told those heartbeats are great (and I refuse to Dr. Google otherwise). Unfortunately, we couldn’t see yet if they each had their own amniotic sac yet or not (which would decrease the risk to both of them). The doctor thought MAYBE she could see one individual sac, but that it was just too early. So now we’ll have to wait another 3 weeks for the NT scan to be sure. 

I was hoping to milk the clinic for one more ultrasound, but she said it was time to graduate me just to my OBGYN (and eventually a MFM dr. as well). So I was congratulated, handed some baby magazine, and sent on my way. A fertility clinic graduate, put that on my resume! Anyway, you’d think that’d be a big milestone, but it just feels kinda empty to me. Of course I am thrilled we’ve gotten nothing but good results so far, but I just can’t help but still be skeptical. Granted, we are already farther than 2 of my 3 last pregnancies. I think perhaps after the NT scan I’ll allow myself to believe its real (assuming we get another good report card).

I’m so very relieved that everything is still ok. And the morning sickness is starting to kick in a bit, which is such a nice reminder that hopefully things are working as they should. So we just continue to wait, hope & pray! Thanks for all of your support!