I should be better at waiting

So if you’ll recall from my last post, I am waiting on our Maternit21 results. I’m so thankful this test was an option for us so we won’t ever have to consider an amnio. I really think in the next 2-3 years this test will completely replace the amnio. I mean a 99% negative and 93% positive result is pretty damn accurate. Anyway, I was told we would get the results in 5-10 business days. Most people report getting the results in about 6-7 business days, however we are fortunate to live in the same city as one of 3 labs that performs this test. So I have to assume that would save a day or so in shipping time. 

Today is day 5, so it is my belief that as of now the phone could ring at any moment. Which I’ve found to be incredibly more nerve wracking than the previous 7 days when I wasn’t expecting to hear anything. Any time my phone lights up, I pee a little bit (ok not really, but just about). I am trying not to obsess TOO much as I believe it is causing me stress. But man, waiting to hear if both of your babies are healthy is about as nerve wracking as it gets.

Thankfully our NT screening results were in the normal range (which detects 70-75% of trisomys) so that does give me some comfort that our results will come back just fine. But I can’t help but to still worry. 

To top it all off, part of this test includes revealing the gender of the babies. Which obviously is another amazing upside to this test. To definitively know the gender of your babies at 14ish weeks is pretty awesome. We will of course find out, I am a planner. I also think people who want to be “surprised” are borderline insane. 

Our plan is once I get the call, I will then set into motion my plan on how to reveal to my husband the gender. I have two plans based on the time of day I get the call (he insists that he must know the day I find out, not that I blame him). A more elaborate plan if I get the call before lunch and a less elaborate plan if I find out later in the day. I’d love to share these plans with you for your opinions, but my husband reads my blog 🙂 However if anyone has any great ideas, please feel free to leave them in the comments.

For the next few days, prayers are appreciated. Prayers for a “negative” result (not negative as in bad but negative as in negative for any trisomy) and fingers crossed that the results are in sooner rather than later. I will post as soon as I find out!

Graduation Day

So after a long week wait of being very, very nervous that our babies were still healthy & growing, I finally had my 8w4d ultrasound at the clinic. I had truly prepared for the worst, having been through the worst 3 previous times. Thankfully, all is still well with our lil guys (or gals). Baby A measured 8w5d and had a hr of 172. Baby B measured 8w4d and had a hr of 165. Obviously their growth is right on target and I’m told those heartbeats are great (and I refuse to Dr. Google otherwise). Unfortunately, we couldn’t see yet if they each had their own amniotic sac yet or not (which would decrease the risk to both of them). The doctor thought MAYBE she could see one individual sac, but that it was just too early. So now we’ll have to wait another 3 weeks for the NT scan to be sure. 

I was hoping to milk the clinic for one more ultrasound, but she said it was time to graduate me just to my OBGYN (and eventually a MFM dr. as well). So I was congratulated, handed some baby magazine, and sent on my way. A fertility clinic graduate, put that on my resume! Anyway, you’d think that’d be a big milestone, but it just feels kinda empty to me. Of course I am thrilled we’ve gotten nothing but good results so far, but I just can’t help but still be skeptical. Granted, we are already farther than 2 of my 3 last pregnancies. I think perhaps after the NT scan I’ll allow myself to believe its real (assuming we get another good report card).

I’m so very relieved that everything is still ok. And the morning sickness is starting to kick in a bit, which is such a nice reminder that hopefully things are working as they should. So we just continue to wait, hope & pray! Thanks for all of your support! 

2 more minutes

I was 2 minutes from leaving to get my bloodwork when the clinic called. The conversation went something like this –

Nurse – We got your HCG beta back, your number was 3140.

Me – Ok, that seems low.

Nurse – Oh no, anything above 5 is good.

Me – Yeah but isn’t that when you do a beta right at 14 dpo? I am like 30 dpo, shouldn’t it be higher?

Nurse – Oh no, this is a very good number. Congratulations! Just go back on Monday and repeat an then we’ll get your ultrasound set up if everything still looks good

Me – ………………….ok………………………

So I guess I’ll wait until Monday to do the next beta. Any number I would have gotten back today wouldn’t have given me any peace anyway. However this lady is a moron (how is that possible?) if you are 30 dpo, a 7 beta would NOT BE OK! Oh well, whatever. I guess this is “good news”. Now we just have to be patient. Luckily we have a jam packed weekend and won’t have to stew on this all weekend. I’ll keep you ladies posted. Sorry for the excessive posting, but this is just about the most effed up thing yet in my journey. 

AF, you’re a miserable bitch

99% of the time, the crimson tide is the antithesis of what we hope for in our infertility journeys. However in certain scenarios, we need shark week to be on in order to proceed. If you’ll recall, I took my last provera LAST FRIDAY. That was FIVE DAYS AGO! Please help me understand why I have yet to get my monthly visitor

Last night I went to bed with some slight cramping in my lady parts. I woke up in the middle of the night to pee and the cramps were still there enough. They were strong enough that I was FLOORED when there was not even the slightest of pinks on the toilet paper. Nothing wakes you up like finding out you were not invited to the red party at Club Menses. Today the cramps are totally gone and still no invite. 

I JUST WANT TO GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD! I think I’ll call the RE office tomorrow and see what I should do. I’d call today but I don’t want to be told that I have to take another rag-starter that will last another 10+ days. I should have asked for aygestin from the start since I’ve had success with that in the past, but I figured all red river-starters were about the same. GAHHH! 

This is just so infuriating because man, if my body can’t even do this right, how can I expect it to ever make/carry a baby? Hoping that all my anger/irritation today is because I’m checking into the Red Roof Inn and this is all just PMS. However I’m pretty sure this is justified frustration, so maybe not.

Euphemism for period = 8

 

 

Last day of provera!

The last time I had to take meds to get AF to visit, I took aygestin. So of course I have a bunch of notes on how quickly she showed up after the last pill. However, I’ve never taken provera today so I’m not exactly sure what to expect. Is it unrealistic to hope it comes by Monday? I gotta get this pre-procedure month going before I go CRAZY! 

I’m hoping the wait til IVF won’t be so bad when I at least have things to accomplish (mock embryo transfer, bloodwork, order IVF meds, etc). I am also REALLY hoping that I’ll get my IVF schedule once we know CD1. It is killing me to not know when it’s going to take place. Granted, I’m not looking forward to all the shots/pain/mood swings/bloating, but I hate limbo too. Oh and I am giving up caffiene, booze & sugar as soon as AF shows, so I’ll  miss them too. Pros and cons. 

Have a good weekend everyone!

Provera Day 4 – Feelin shitty

Since my body is apparently unaware I’m a female, I have to take provera to start AF since I wasn’t on any meds last month and hence didn’t ovulate. Nothing makes you feel like a woman like being unable to have a baby or even get a period, HA! This is my rational to buy as many skirts & dresses as my closet can hold, I need to at least dress feminine. 

I gave myself an extra few days for AF to come on her own, since the medicated route takes at least a week. But to no avail. Originally nurse Invisalign (I think I shall call her this, after writing my original post about her) had called in a prescription for prometrium, but I discovered that would cost me $100 vs $5 for provera. A quick call through my clinic’s IVF line and it was corrected for me. 

I did however, forget that provera messes with my head – quite literally. I struggle with migraines as it is and provera does NOT help. So since I started taking them, I’ve basically had a constant migraine (with varying levels of pain). Currently it’s totally manageable, but I am not my chipper self (yes – I am annoyingly able to remain chipper through all this IF BS). Sunday however, I had one of the worst migraine episodes ever. I woke up every hour in agonizing pain and went on to spend the majority of the day in bed. Which was a major bummer considering it was a LOVELY 78 and sunny outside. 

Anyway, I just want AF to come so I can start my pre-procedure month. Although, pre-procedure month means birth control and my head does not tolerate that well either. So basically I just need to prepare to feel shitty for the foreseeable future. I’d rather feel like hell and actually be in the IVF process than feel great and do nothing, so I guess there’s that. 

Top 5 Reasons I hate the TWW

5) The waiting. I much prefer the feeling of actively doing something for the first two weeks (doctors appointments, injections, sex, acupuncture). 

4) The vaginal progesterone. I very much dislike the crazy dreams and the morning drips. 

3) The spending all of my free mental energy debating what to do definitely next time. Should I ask to start meds on CD4 instead of CD3? Should I do acupuncture the day after the IUI instead of the day of? Should we abstain 3 days before collection instead of 2? Should I wiggle my nose and tap my feet at the same time or wiggle my nose and THEN tap my feet after the IUI? Ok I’ve never had that EXACT thought, but just about.

2) The morning before test day. I am unable to get any quality sleep and am plagued by dreams where I take test after test. Around 3 or 4 am I inevitably give up trying to get back asleep and just take the stupid test. I’m then unable to go back to sleep and the black cloud if anger attaches itself to me for the remainder of the day.

1) The constantly evaluation of my pee frequency, boobs, or any flash of nausea or lack there of. Whenever I think I am, I’m not. Whenever I think I’m not, I’m still not. Why bother?

4 more days to go. Why do you hate the TWW?