Since my very public 3rd miscarriage back in November, we’ve received a whole spectrum of support from friends and family. We’ve been very open about our treatment plan and how things are progressing. Frankly, we’re starting to get a little
miffed pissed at peoples indifference about taking the next step to IVF. Since our problem was always staying pregnant rather than getting pregnant, it’s been difficult for us to wrap our minds around IVF. IVF is the big enchilada, the holy grail of infertility treatments and as such has more weight with people than say IUIs & injectables. Yet, people act like we’re talking about getting flu shots!
For example, on Friday we were at my in-laws and my husband casually mentioned that he’d talked to a coworker about his journey with IVF (3 failed cycles) and how he hoped we would have better luck. I mentioned the availability of a possible FET or two after a fresh IVF cycle and how that could potentially reduce our costs and the physical impact on me. My MIL & SIL were in the room and both just stared blankly at the tv as if we were discussing the migration patterns of ants. No questions? No comments? Hello, is this thing on? This is the 5th or 6th time my husband has brought up IVF with his family. My mother in law has said things like “we just really hope something works for you” or “I’m sorry you guys have to go through this.” We know they are sympathetic and we know that they do hope the best for us, but we’d appreciate some interest in this major life event!
My immediate family has been great though, so we do have them. My mother especially is VERY interested in the whole process and has even done her own research (including visiting my RE’s website). As we go through it all, I’d love for our families to know and ask and care when the milestones occur. Is that asking too much? I’ve seen other bloggers have their entire families go with them for the embryo transfers, so I just can’t imagine wanting a text asking where things are at is too much to ask. Then there’s my grandma, who I’m close with otherwise, is quick to change the subject whenever I bring it up. It is so frustrating! We’re getting to the point where we just want to quit talking about it and just let them all wonder what is going on (maybe then they’ll ask!).
In general, I think it just upsets us that people aren’t treating it like a big deal, and it is just a HUGE deal to us. Maybe we’re in the wrong here, maybe it isn’t that big of a deal. But even if it isn’t, shouldn’t people humor us and act like it is? I’ve shown more concern for a friend who got a bad dye job than what I’ve received from the majority of my friends. Is this common? How much support have you all received through your IVF journeys? Am I expecting too much?