So I purposely left out a funny thing that happened at our nurse IVF consultation from my post yesterday as it seemed to warrant it’s own post in my
fantastic humble opinion.
We’re in the middle of signing all of the consent forms and we get to the bit about what we want done with the extra embryos. We consent to having any extras frozen (and paying to do so). But then she gets to the part about what happens if we have embryos leftover that we don’t want to use. First of all, that to me is a DREAM scenario. If we have leftover embryos that means that –
A) I’ve had a baby only doing one fresh cycle (and possibly multiple FETs)
B) I’ve had more than one baby (we want at least 2 and up to 4, if possible)
C) We’re done with infertility treatments!
I honestly don’t see that happening with just one fresh cycle. But, I SUPPOSE it’s possible. She proceeds tell us the options of what can be done with leftovers (I think I need to come up with a better word, sounds like I’m talking about old chicken and potatoes) and says that currently there are no scientific studies accepting embryos (but usually there are). Well we are probably YEARS away from being about to say we’re done having children so I’m in no rush for a scientific study to come available. Then she gets to my husband preferred option, donating to another couple.
Before we can say a thing, she CROSSES OUT THAT OPTION on our paper! She says because of our RPL, it is VERY unlikely they would be able to match up our embryos with anyone. OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Here we are wanting to be good IF community members and potentially donate our leftover embryos to a couple less fortunate than us (who can at least get to that point), but nope! So that folks, is how bad my eggs are apparently, I can’t even give them away! Can’t say that really helped my faith in IVF working for us!
It definitely initially stung, but like with most IF things, I find it rather hilarious now. So if you are looking for an embryo donor, sorry friends, it is not me!
Since our nurse consultation is tomorrow, I thought I should finally go through the large folder of legal paperwork the doctor gave us to complete. Most of it was fairly standard (as far as signing away for doctors to put a tiny being inside you goes) but then I came across the sheet which determines who gets the embryos in all sorts of different cases. First up was consent to give one spouse the embryos if the other spouse dies. Ok I’m with ya there, pretty cut and dry.
Next? What happens to them if we get divorced. No, that’s not an awkward thing to consider at all. I know it is probably a real concern all too often. Infertility is tough and it takes a strong relationship to endure it. I of course don’t think we’ll ever get divorced (hopefully no one in this position PLANS on getting divorced), but since they are forcing us to make a choice we had to discuss it. Husband really wants them so that he can ensure they get donated to a couple vs science (my preference would be science). Sorry, I just don’t want to spend the rest of my life walking around town wondering if every child that bears any resemblance to me is actually mine, #selfish. Anyway, I know that we won’t get divorced so this will not be the hill I die on, husband gets them in the event of a divorce.
Finally, who do the embryos go to if we both die? Talk about things my 18 year old self would never believe I’d have to consider. Sheesh! Anyway, since we would want them to be used if possible, we will leave them to my baby sister. She is single and doesn’t plan to marry (we hope she changes her mind). If she’d like to use them for herself, that is fine (and my preference). Otherwise she may donate them to another couple. So last night she got the text, “hey you cool with getting our embryos if we both die?”. I wish I could have seen her reaction, that’s gotta be one of the most random texts she’ll ever receive. She did agree though.
This is why I’ve procrastinated on cracking open this folder. I really just wanted to lay on the couch and turn off my brain by enjoying Monday’s favorite guilty pleasure (the bachelorette). Instead, I have to consider the fate of our embryos in the case of all sorts of terrible scenarios (confession – I did it during the commercials). What a strange life us IF gals lead!