7ish week ultrasound

Today was a big day for us. Today was the day we hoped to see our babies heartbeats! From the studies I’ve read, the heartbeat at 6-7 weeks can tell you a lot about the health of the pregnancy (if you want to read more you can do so here.) Coming off of a miscarriage where the heartbeat was always in the “borderline” group – I felt like today was wildly important.

My biggest fear is that they’d be in the low end of the borderline group and I’d spend the next however many weeks waiting for the end. You’d think I’d be most afraid of no heartbeat at all, and while that would be terrible, I just don’t handle false hope well at this point. So, we went into today’s appointment with a TON of anxiety. They also bumped me up from 2 pm to 9 am (scheduling conflicts on their end) which for some reason caused me a lot of stress (granted I was happy to go in earlier).

At last -I was finally sitting on the table waiting for the doctor to come on in. He came in and said that we were looking for a heartbeat today (yes – singular heartbeat, I got the sense he was skeptical of his partners diagnosis of identical twins). I probably could have puked from my nerves during the 30 seconds between wand insertion and seeing the ultrasound. There they were, two little fluttering hearts. “Huh, sure enough. Identical twins” he said in obvious disbelief. This was a slight relief, but I still waited for the magic heartrate number (I probably should mention – 120 is the magic number for 6.3-7 weeks). We actually got to hear their heartbeats which surprised and delighted me. However they sounded soo slow, I was so sure he was going to say like 60bpm or something awful like that.

So Baby A – measuring in at 7mm…..drum roll please…..a lovely 121 bpm heartrate. Baby B – measuring at 6.2mm (one day smaller than their sibling) and a perfect 120 bpm. Truthfully I still can’t believe it. I think we can officially call this a miracle now.

I hope you all know how humbled we are by the road that got us here and that we don’t take a moment of this for granted. Although we still have a long way to go, this does feel different than our last 3 pregnancies.

We have another ultrasound on 6/30 to make sure each twin has its own amniotic sac (this would greatly lower risks to the babies). Only about 1% of identical twins share the same amniotic sac, but we tend to defy the odds ( .3% of babies born are identical twins ) so that doesn’t give us much comfort. However I have promised myself that I won’t let that little detail spoil my relief from hearing those perfect heartbeats.

I know I keep saying the next post will be my last, but I feel the need to let you all know that things are going alright. So I’m thinking I will post once we find out about the amniotic sac situation and perhaps again at the conclusion of the first and second trimester. Thank you all for your hopes, prayers and finger crossings. We so greatly appreciate all of your support. I have and will continue to follow all of your journeys in the meantime! Good luck to you all!

Well, I didn’t expect THAT

Yesterday was my 6ish week ultrasound. We had mentally been trying to prepare for all possible scenarios. Even though my betas were good, the ultrasound is just so much more important. It was at 4:15 yesterday so I had to spend the ENTIRE day dreaming up every possible scenario. Luckily I had an acupuncture appointment over lunch so that helped calm me a little bit. Regardless around 3pm I started to lose it again. I honestly thought I had prepared for every scenario – 

  • Ectopic Pregnancy 
  • A gestational sac but no yolk or fetal pole (miscarriage)
  • A gestational sac with a yolk (ultrasound was too early)
  • A goofy looking gestational sac with a yolk (eventual miscarriage)
  • A gestational sac, yolk, and fetal pole with no heartbeat (unknown)
  • A gestational sac, yolk, and fetal pole with a crappy heartbeat (eventual miscarriage)
  • A gestational sac, yolk, and fetal pole with so-so heartbeat (very nervous/anxious me)
  • A gestational sac, yolk, and fetal pole with strong heartbeat (possible successful pregnancy)

So I was prepared, right? WRONG, so, so wrong. The doctor comes in with a resident. The resident initially does the ultrasound, seeing a perfectly round gestational sac and a yolk. The doctor thought she could see where the fetal pole might be, but that it was too early and that I was only 5.5 weeks as I suspected. But the doctor wanted to give it a try so she took over for the resident. Here’s how it went

Doctor – Oh, there looks to be a second yolk sac

Me – What does that mean?

Doctor – Twins

Husband – Like….identical twins?

Doctor  – Yes!

Me – Could it mean anything else?

Doctor – Nope!

Ummm yeah….ok! Neither of us have identical twins in our families and if you’ll recall this was a NON MEDICATED CYCLE! WTF! Just when I thought I couldn’t be any more surprised than last week. Besides being even more shocked than we already were, we are overall happy that we could have two babies. I am of course terrified of all the increased risk (preterm labor, preeclampsia, gestational diabetes, etc etc etc). But all of those concerns are a long way off still, we have other things to worry about now (will we see two hearbeats next week?).

So, I think I will update you guys one more time next week after the next ultrasound and then I’ll go into the RPL shadows of pregnancy. Thank you so much for all of your prayers and thoughts, they are clearly working so far!

Beta 2

I rushed around like a crazy lady this morning to get to the lab to get my blood drawn as soon as possible. Wait wasn’t too bad and I made it to work 30 minutes before my first meeting. Then came the hours of refreshing the lab result website to see what our number was this time. We had decided if it was anything less than 6,000 we wouldn’t be hopeful. 

Thankfully I had lunch plans with friends to stop me from checking the website for a while. I only texted husband 3 times during lunch to see if the results came back, nothing. On my way back to my desk I saw that my RE office had called, which must mean my numbers were in. I asked husband if he had checked and he hadn’t even noticed they came through yet, sheesh! I had a suspicion the number was at least decent because nurse who left me the message sounded way to perky to be calling with bad news. Anyway – 7440 was our second beta, so my hcg levels are doubling appropriately. 

Since you know, I didn’t know I was pregnant until like DAYS ago, I am already “overdue” for my first ultrasound (as the nurse put it). Got that scheduled for tomorrow already, 4:15 (perfect time, that way we can go home right after). Which I am so thankful for as I know the ultrasound is much more telling of the health of the pregnancy than the bloodwork. We MAY feel some relief/enjoyment if that goes well. 

This is the 4th time we’ve been to this point, so there just really isn’t much joy to be had anymore. I am so thankful we get another chance and I am extra grateful that this all happened as a mysterious chance. Unfortunately RPL has robbed all of the fun out of the process. We know all too well how this could end.

I will do an update after the ultrasound tomorrow and let you know if all looks well. If it does, I’ll be taking a break from blogging until I either miscarry or deliver. I may occasionally post if I have a scare (seeing blood or something) but no belly shots, craving updates, or “baby is the size of a whatever” updates from me. 

I will continue to read all of your journeys, hoping and praying the best for each of you. 

2 more minutes

I was 2 minutes from leaving to get my bloodwork when the clinic called. The conversation went something like this –

Nurse – We got your HCG beta back, your number was 3140.

Me – Ok, that seems low.

Nurse – Oh no, anything above 5 is good.

Me – Yeah but isn’t that when you do a beta right at 14 dpo? I am like 30 dpo, shouldn’t it be higher?

Nurse – Oh no, this is a very good number. Congratulations! Just go back on Monday and repeat an then we’ll get your ultrasound set up if everything still looks good

Me – ………………….ok………………………

So I guess I’ll wait until Monday to do the next beta. Any number I would have gotten back today wouldn’t have given me any peace anyway. However this lady is a moron (how is that possible?) if you are 30 dpo, a 7 beta would NOT BE OK! Oh well, whatever. I guess this is “good news”. Now we just have to be patient. Luckily we have a jam packed weekend and won’t have to stew on this all weekend. I’ll keep you ladies posted. Sorry for the excessive posting, but this is just about the most effed up thing yet in my journey. 

I won’t unfollow you

My gut reaction has always been to unfollow those of you lucky enough to get pregnant, however I’ve never actually gone through with it. I may not read your posts on “what foods you’re craving” and I may cringe at your belly shots, but I won’t unfollow you. At the end of the day, I am happy that I have actual tangible proof that IVF (and other IF treatments) work. Since I’ve become active in this community (just a few short months), a large number of people I follow have already gotten their BFP! This is a GOOD thing for all of us. Sure, it may not be our my turn yet, but hopefully that day will come! 

It’s nice to actually be happy for someone else to be pregnant, feel privileged, you are the ONLY ones! I can’t imagine the day when I’ll be happy for a fertile to get pregnant, but I never thought I’d be happy for anyone. This is progress people!